


Happy New Year, Dan

by smilesaretoxic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Panic At The Disco (Band), Songfic, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilesaretoxic/pseuds/smilesaretoxic
Summary: Inspired by the lyrics of "Impossible Year" by Panic! At the Disco. Angst. It's time for Dan to move on, and what a better time for new beginnings than the start of a new year? (Unbeta'd)





	

“Happy Almost New Year, Dan!” Phil exclaimed as he burst into Dan’s bedroom, donned with a party hat and a noisemaker and holding another set for Dan as well. Dan didn’t respond and it took Phil a few moments until it registered in his head what exactly Dan was doing. Phil gulped.

“Dan…? Wh-what's going on?”

Dan still didn’t look up. He was going back and forth between his closet and his suitcase, throwing things inside in a haphazard manner. Phil stepped forward to reach out and touch him, but he faltered.

“Dan? Dan. _Please._ Talk to me. What’s going on? What’s happening?”

Dan looked up with a strange coldness in his eyes, a hidden darkness in what used to be a warm, chocolate brown. He said nothing as he left the room, brushing by Phil almost roughly. Phil looked at the door to Dan’s half-packed suitcase lying open on the bed and back. He couldn’t understand what was happening. Dan came back quickly and Phil’s chest tightened as he eyed the toiletries in Dan’s hands.

“Dan? Please. Please talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Dan continued to ignore him as he brushed past Phil wordlessly, seeming to put the finishing touches on his packing.

“ _Dan. **Please.**_ ”

Phil had made his way over to Dan’s side, a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes, threatening at any moment to spill. Dan closed his suitcase and Phil managed to muster up enough courage to put his hand on the suitcase before Dan had the chance to lift it off of his bed. Dan glared at Phil, his eyes shooting daggers that made Phil drop his hands quickly, as though he had been burned. Dan picked up his suitcase and left the room, heading toward the front door so he could put on his shoes and don his coat. Phil followed soundlessly, watching Dan with an ache that threatened to tear his entire body in two. He watched helplessly as Dan finished with his shoes and started with his coat, the extra hat and noisemaker still clutched in Phil’s tight fists, the tears now falling with abandon. Dan grabbed his suitcase once more and reached for the doorknob, without any indication that he was going to say goodbye. Phil couldn’t take it.

“Why?”

Phil’s voice broke, his emotions pushing through everything.

“What did I do wrong?”

Dan didn’t respond immediately and Phil wasn’t sure that he even heard his questions until he saw Dan’s hand tighten on the knob. He waited with bated breath for something, _anything_. Dan finally turned around and simply glowered at Phil, forcing him to retreat a step or two, cowering under the dark look he was being subjected to.

“What did you do wrong? The better question is what **didn’t** you do?”

Dan took a step forward.

“You do **everything**. There isn’t a thing I’m **allowed** without having to check with you first. Nothing I **can** do that is validated unless your name is attached to it. I’m sick and tired of being known as Dan **and Phil**. It’s time for me to be known as Dan Howell. I need to move on. I need to move out. I need to be recognized as an individual, not someone’s lackey. I’m fucking tired of all this shit, Phil. It’s time for me to start a new chapter, and this one doesn’t have you in it.”

Phil recoiled as if he had been hit. He didn’t understand. They were happy, weren’t they?

“I—I thought we were happy?”

“Happy? How in the **hell** am I supposed to be happy when I’m constantly living in someone’s shadow? Christ on a bicycle, Phil, I thought you knew me better than this. Then again, you probably didn’t care too much seeing as how your life is going **swimmingly**.”

Phil trembled, trying not to fall into a heap on the floor. He needed to stay strong. He met Dan’s eyes, his blue gaze pleading with Dan’s dark brown.

“ _Please_ ,” he whispered, fearing that if he spoke any louder his voice would break into the sobs threatening to be freed from his chest. “We can fix this. We can be happy again. Just, please, _please_ don’t leave.”

Dan scoffed and turned away, grabbing his suitcase and the doorknob for what Phil knew would be the last time.

“ ** _Please, Dan._** _I—I **need** you.”_

“Well, I **don’t** need you.”

Dan twisted the knob and walked through, closing the door behind him. Phil heard him walk down the stairs and exit the building. After hearing the front door slam shut, he collapsed in on himself as the clock struck midnight. The New Year was upon him and he was all alone. He curled up into a ball and sobbed until he was an empty shell. The sounds of celebration and good wishes filled his ears, and all Phil wanted was to be in Dan’s arms, where he was safe and loved. Or where he _thought_ he was safe and loved. Dan had walked out of his life and taken a huge part of Phil with him. As the sounds around him began to fade into silence, Phil realized that Dan was gone for good. _Happy New Year, Dan_.

_There's no sunshine_

_There's no you and me_

_There's no good times_

_This impossible year_

**Author's Note:**

> So that's that. I'm really sorry for the feels, but I was listening to this song and I just came up with it. (if you haven't already listened to the song, you definitely should). This is also my first fic in the Phandom, so criticism is welcomed and encouraged. Thanks for reading! -Sam :3


End file.
